is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
