I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
