I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
