He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
