I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
