I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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