I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
