I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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