you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
