Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
