At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Mom said you looked used
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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