I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
