pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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