Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
