Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
