I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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