Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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