guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
