Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
