you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
