i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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