I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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