Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
