What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
