i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
