i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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