Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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