I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
