Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
