shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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