i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
