I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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