There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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