You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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