my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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