she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
