Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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