Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Are we in a gay sports bar?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
