I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
