He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
