i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
