you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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