i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm at about main and main street
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
