the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
