Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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