woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
