Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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