Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
