We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just high enough for therapy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
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I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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