it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
