I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
