so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
