it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
