he thought i was a dude.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
