You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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