Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
