there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
