Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
