i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
