I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
