i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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