you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
